Sunday, February 12, 2012

1-25-12 Gun range

(the inflection of this one just doesn't come across via text. there were gun shots in the background and he made his voice shake. it was hilarious)

oh my god, lindsay, we're out on the range...and the fire shots are coming and they're gettin' closer...and omg what's gonna happen. i really hope i live. i really just want to tell you that i love me...and i'm awesome...and you should date me. ok..bye... sonic-ally...

You're gorgeous...get in that camera and come out the other side.


haven't you read the latest surgeon general's report?  it said you need to up your daily intake of vitamin ME


I am about to cross the street but I am not going to look because I miss you more than life itself.


what's up girl? you're looking good, you're sounding good, you feelin' good, you give me wood...fires in the wood stove of my heart. yeah we may be settin' records of ways of communicating technologically...what would you call that...engaging each other electronically...but now it's sonic-ly, and much more than platonic-ally, so yeah leave me a quick message...


hey girl, what's up? wish you here tonight. too bad you're not. i'm going out for dinner and drinks. if it makes you feel any better i'll buy another girl a drink. but i'll make sure she's ugly so you won't be jealous.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Feb 2012 Twizzlers

me: do you like cherry or strawberry twizzlers?
       i know you don't like the pull n peel
G:   i fuckin love twizzlers. not pull n peel
       i have no idea what flavor they are
me: ok.
G:   they dont' particularly taste like cherry NOR strawberry to me
       i just grab twizzlers and make sure they're not the pullnpeel nor the little bit size ones
       i'm traditional
       in respect to my twizzler consumption
       you might say that if there were a sexual position reflecting my twizzler proclivities then it would be The Missionary Position

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Feb 2012 - Skype

Dammit, i dropped my chocolate on my computer.
I wish you were my laptop sometimes because I'm licking chocolate off my laptop.


Hitch a star to your wagon...I mean hitch your wagon to a star.


g:wanna come over and look at naked pics?
me: no.
g: i will take that as a maybe.


yeah, you're pretty cute..for a girl.


why don't we combine our record collections?
...just one more reason to live together. think about it.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Feb 2012 Song

(keep in mind i talk to him but do NOT in any way condone the whole 'dating' thing. which makes this so much funnier)
g: if you HAD to pick, what song would be played at OUR wedding ;)

Jan 2012 Pants

but please don't be intimidated, lindsay

i put my pants on just like everybody else

with a sprint and long jump into them as my manservants hold them open

Jan 2012 Skype 3

i'll tell you, the only thing that got me out alive was the thought of you... admiring my beautiful face

Jan 2012 Red Lobster

(there were little icons in the place of the blank spaces that made up for the missing words. too cute, but didn't copy over to blogger)

when are you gonna let me squire you to the red lobster?

so suppose i were in hotlanter, first i'd (call) you to tell you something nice and make arrangements for  (coffee).  so i'd meet you and maybe i'd bring you a (flower)  especially if your day was going a bit (rainy) and maybe we'd have a little (cake) cuz it always goes good with  (coffee).  and dont' worry, i'd take care of all the ($) .   then we'd have to make arrangements for a (beer)  later, and i'd probably just go to the gym cuz i'm (pumped) like that.  and then at the bar they'd say that they only had budlight and i'd be like (brokenhearted) , but then i'd remember that there's still booze-a-hol in it, so then i'd be all (heart/love) .

Jan 2012 Skype 2

g: what is your favorite color?
me: green
g: any specific shade?
me: i like mossy greens. or grass green
g: and how could that be your favorite color when my eyes are not green?

g: it ain't easy being green. but for real, if i need new clothes, i can't NOT buy something blue. it's like an addiction....good thing my usual uniform is green-ish. i'd say there are mosses which line up with the greens in my uniform, so you'll prolly be head-over-heels for that too.

those comfy little socks?

"why yes, gabe, those comfy little socks are called totes.  you are effing EPIC, sir."

"no problem lindsay, just an average day of being awesome for old gabe.  i mean, i can't NOT be this epic."

"So i've noticed, plus you've got really good moves on the dance floor eventhough, technically, you don't know the steps to any formal dance."

"why yes, lindsay, i've always been gifted in the rhythm department.  i guess that's why all the drill sgt's from boot camp called me "rug-cutter" and "buns of steel.""

i'd invite you over to play video games but i don't have any.

Jan 2012 - Skype

lulz, my connection just dropped for a sec right as we were farewelling
me: heh yeah i thought you hung up on me
g: never
me: well...either way...breakfast time!
g: or maybe i did. playing hard to get. by moving across the sea
me: no, that's my job. playing hard to get
g: bon apetit. I thought you were a teacher.
me: lol. no. it was a joke.
g: hard to get, easy to punch. so when you come, we could go to the edelweiss lodge in the apls.

i didn't want to do anything but talk to Lindsay Longstreth on my birthday and i can't even do that. THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE UNIVERSE.


i'd hate to think i was the cause you putting on pants.


me: sorry, i am doing online work. i like video chatting. i get distracted far less easily
g: i am doing some online work too, working on you that is.


wanna come see my lego collection?


i am building some woo right here, i'll tell you that, and if you come see my lego collection the immaculate woo would be laid.

i mean, aisles in SAMSCLUB would be flooded and gushing with the amount of woo i'd lay down were you and i to go on a date there.

wanna make a cushion-fort in the living room and then play with legos INSIDE OUR CUSHION FORT??????? I am an effing visionary.

me: and you can make me laugh. consistently.

g: you would love me. because of my immaculate woo. count your lucky stars

Jan 2012 texts

damn you look good while reading texts. come to germany, water's fine.
i know you miss me. how COULDN'T you? i mean, have you ever MET me? think about it. gonna go to the gym be back after awhile and see if you are on skype.
you'd like my face to get stuck...on your face.

Jan 2011 - texts

ENERGY CONDOMS? MEH, I have peppy jizz: the caffinated cum!
Some people like the honey nut cheerios. I like scotch.

Dec 2010 - texts

not gonna lie. i was getting kinda worried there. had to break out the christmas PBRs to calm myself down. used the brownbag as i was hyperventilating.
it's gonna be in the 40s here tomorrow. LOG THAT IN YER H-DRIVE. miss me yet?
Well lets have kids then. and eat them. so we save money on food.


Gabe is a very unique person. I don't quite have him figured out yet. All I know is that he has a very distinct, quick sense of humor and is not easily deterred.

He has the notion that we are dating. I have actually said to him "Gabe, you know we are NOT dating." To which he replies "Ha. I like how you just shot me down there. So anyways..."

This blog is so that I can remember all the hilarious things he says. Because this kid says some funny sh*t.